Wow I can’t believe its summer already. I’m really ready for high school, and new people in my life cause it feel like I’ve lost almost everyone I’ve ever had and I don’t know why. But I mean if this is the way God wants my life to go, I just have to keep walking on that path having faith that it’s leading me down the road he has planned for me. And it really helps me see all the people who are still here and how grateful I am for them and how much I love them.
I’m excited for summer. I don’t have a lot planned, but maybe an art class with Addi which will be really fun, and swimming with Kylie and maybe even Kylee. I really hope me and Kylee get back to the way we used to since we are going to high school together and I want it to be fun like together. Also I get to see my thister Sara, we may get in fights but thats how real sisters are, they get in fights but in the end they forgive each other because they love each other to much to stay mad at each other for to long. I’m hoping to get a lot of pictures and music stuff done with her this summer. Also we have a youtube channel friendsofthefae and I have my own channel which I’m hoping to keep up with both them and this blog this summer (like Addi<3) And I have a lot of soccer stuff to get ready for which is gonna be fun.
Also I got a gorgeous journal that I keep writing in like everyday and it helps so much, especially after this one person really messed with my head. He’s so cruel he knew exactly how that would effect me but he messed with me anyways… sooo fantastic… But oh well.
Looking at all my old posts some parts I was such a idiot hahaha whyy would i post names???? Oh yeah cause no one reads this hahaha but still! haha. But I still agree with what I wrote not to long ago I don’t really wanna date till high school even though I have a BF now, but like I don’t want anything serious cause I’m such a skeptic, a lot of it thanks to Jim and another to the guy who just messed with me. But oh well it’s no big deal, I promised Jordan, my cousin, that I wouldn’t get serious till junior year and i was like pshhh I don’t plan to till senior year if that! Speaking of Jordan, I am soooo glad he does not have cancer!! I would have died if he had cancer! I guess God realized that the world still needs him especially me<3 I love you Jordan Ryan Stover, you help me soo much with God and life, you mean the world to me!<3
Well, hopefully I get to see Addi today or tomorrow since I’m back home so Des and Nate can unite lol and then see my Shelby(: and then Ally and maybe Michael and Chuck then Christian<3 imma love my week(: Peace&Love<3
#<3myryanbuddies
Before I type I big long thing I home I wanna type this, since I’m bored at the doctors office. I’m listening to a Selena song and I could tell it was by listen to like the first five seconds of it haha. Well today should be fun. -.- well anyways, I loved him past tense I just realized I need just to talk to him to have closure and so I could tell him I miss him, which doesn’t matter. I just want him to be happy with his life even thought he’s going through a hard time. At least he found someone else from his school so he can actually see her.
People think I found someone else but just cause I kissed him but no we aren’t going out even though he asked. I don’t wanna date again to like high school so I don’t have to think about separating and stuff and there will be more people to get to know anyways. Like Jackson hahaha dude he looks so much like Ca$h its not even funny. Okay its a little funny. Well its feels like my life is falling apart but I know some things fall apart for better things to fall together. And that now at my weakest that God will be with me the most making me my strongest.
I’ve become feeling oddly religious after mass at Victoria’s 15. Which was like the best time of my life by the way haha I love her so much I’m so glad she’s my friend. There is so many people I’m thankful for in my life, her Sara Kylie Ashleigh my momma Kayla Addi Jenna and Sydney and that’s just the girls.
As odd as it is i really miss cheer, not the stupid drama and all that crap, but like the cheer camp. I remember having so much fun at that and being so sore when i came home. most people are like that the devil? how can that make u feel good?? but just when i was sore i knew i had worked really hard and had a great time, thats why im so excited for dance next year, nervous as hell, but excited. i wish i could take cheer or dance like right now, like a class but we just cant afford it and dont have the time. we dont have the time cause me and my brother and my sis in law are working on setting up a photo shoot so i can get some head shots and just some modeling done {sounds kinda stupid i know but hey maybe editing can make me look really pretty} and then after the headshots im going to be going to do acting and like some acting classes, plus on that i’m doing vocal for speech competition and so i’m doing voice stuff for that like i want to take vocal lessons and my brothers finishing my guitar lessons with me. wow he is in my life so much i am soo thankful. Also we cant afford it cuz well the acting classes, the vocal lessons, and my medicine. my mom is taking me to the doctor within the next week cause my depression has been getting worse and just bringing me down for hours to days at a time. and ms hansen said its very wise that i want to go see a doctor rather than just ignoring the issue. anyways, its so late or early depending on how you want to look at it and im getting a very important question asked to me in the morning (Addi its the huge question lolz) i hope i dont screw it up, i could so see me screwing it up. well i better post this and get off or i will be typing all morning(?) cuz i love doing this, but i have homework to do and i need sleep and my tummy hurts, my ear is still hurting and my head is pounding, whoo hoo. byyeee(:
Do you ever feel like you have to talk to him one last time before it truly is all over, if you can’t go a day without thinking about what you had? When your friends, your music, your secret smiles, all point to him and remind you of just what your missing. Its a sickening and heart dropping feeling that I don’t understand
